Our Truck Is Ringing
Posted by Holly at May 31st, 2007
Our truck is ringing. It is the latest in a series of my foibles leaving me feeling like a complete idiot and then trying to remember that my master’s degree in communications was not meant to prepare me for living on a farm.
I usually feel as if I know nothing, trailing after my husband the accomplished green grocer of the land and maintainer of small and large equipment and animals. I know he feels as if he is still learning about the grapes every day and how best to grow them, crush them and turn them into wine but it’s not the same as my innocence and lack of framework in which to think through such questions. And, I might add, a total absence of my ever having thought about them or of having spent one second considering they might be part of my life. The extent of my ability and experience to garden, before I married my farmer husband, began with elementary school window boxes in which we carefully propagated seeds we bought as Arbor Day school projects. Things like marigolds. They never grew for long. My grandmother had more success with her miniature forest of grapefruit seedlings. These she nurtured in pots on our Brooklyn kitchen windowsill. They were all always about 5” tall. My outdoor gardening experience concluded at the last real house I lived in some 25 or more years ago in a tiny enclave called Snedens Landing that you had to know about to find. I have a picture of me wearing a yellow sundress, holding a hoe – or maybe a rake – in one hand and a scotch and soda in the other. I didn’t so much as garden as portray a person who gardened. And only from time to time. Not that I don’t have tremendous respect for people with this desire and talent; it just isn’t one of my skill sets. And so I frequently walk around the farm tripping on myself, figuratively and literally.
When I first started volunteering to help clean out the horse stalls I waited while Jim drove the tractor into place and then I could shovel the stuff out of the stalls into the attached spreader. Then I would wait for him to come and drive it into position in between the next two stalls. The few times I tried to do it myself, I just couldn’t get the thing to start and would have to call Jim away from whatever farm task he was doing. Finally, I waited until he wasn’t home for an hour or so one day and went out to practice starting the tractor. Now I can move it the five or ten feet from stall to stall. I have only barely tackled backing it up and, frankly, don’t be behind me when I do. But the other day, in a fit of zeal to prove to my husband that I am interested in making his life easier, I agreed to drive it up into the vineyard and spread its load of poop in the appointed rows. Jim explained how one of the wheels – I think it’s the right one if you’re looking at it – makes the poop drop out, set it for me, gave me a little encouraging lesson about making the wide turns, told me he had confidence in me and off I went. It went well and I was feeling pretty darned pleased with myself as I reached the bottom of the row, made the wide turn and headed to where he was pruning. This last part of the trip was downhill in two directions, forward and sideways, and we’re talking about driving on dirt, here, not pavement so the way is rocky. I was sure the tractor was going to end up on its side. But I made it and brought it to a stop to talk to Jim. Well, I almost brought it to a stop. It started rolling backwards and, as if in a dream, and a slow dream at that, I realized I had to do something. Jim was shouting something at me I couldn’t understand; I was debating whether to jump out or not and also trying to brake. In my mind, I saw it crashing into the row of grape vines for which it was headed and, as if in a cartoon, taking down the whole vineyard row by row.
As it happened, I did hit the post and the tractor did crash into and run over two plants but it stopped, thank God. Turns out Jim had been yelling brake, brake and I thought I had been braking but the brake is not to the left of the gas pedal the way it is in a car, it’s to the right. On the left and on the other side of the steering column, is the clutch, which is what I had been lead-foot smashing to the floor as hard as I could. Jim was kind about my stupidity.
Later that day he needed to load two of the horses to take them over to the vet. These are Tess, the new mama, and her baby DeDe born on April 25th. Tess is going to be bred again and the foal is too young to be separated from her so both needed to get into the trailer. Jim didn’t foresee any problems as Tess always loads well. My job was to hold the baby on her lead, close enough so Tess would know where she was and far enough away to give mama room to load. Tess had other ideas that day. Nothing Jim tried seemed to work, not even putting the baby in first with me holding her against the side of the trailer. We call her a baby but she does weigh about 110 pounds and she is a horse, making her strong just because she’s centered with those front and back legs giving her stability and mobility. Finally, after about an hour of trying, Jim got the mare on and tethered and took the baby’s lead so I could go and shut the door. He had cleverly backed the trailer pretty far into the arena to form a barricade with the two gates so the horses couldn’t escape around the sides of the trailer and now I had to move the trailer door away from the gate door. The metal door banged into the metal gate, Tess leaped out of the trailer whinnying her displeasure followed by Jim on his knees, followed by DeDe who jumped over Jim who rolled under her little belly to avoid being kicked and who landed on his back, knees up. “It might have been better if you hadn’t banged the doors”, he said from that position. He called a nearby horse trainer to help him after that.
Still smarting from my ineptitude, I am gamely trying to be helpful. Today our neighbor Beth called asking if we had a jack because they had a flat on their truck. Realizing I’d never seen one, I called Jim who was up in the pasture cutting hay. He told me there was a hydraulic jack hanging on the east wall of the shop and there might be one in the wheelbase of our truck. He did say that Ted should come up and look for it himself but I said I was sure I could find a jack. I think I found the one in the shop because I think I correctly determined which way is east by remembering where the sun sets and looking opposite that. It looked heavy and complicated so I decided to look in the truck.
After I finally got the hatch open I looked for the spot where you would lift the floor of the car interior to reveal the spare tire, jack and jumper cables. There was no trap door, every part of the floor was fused and it couldn’t possibly have been there. I did spy, however, the spare tire suspended from the underside of the bottom of the truck as I was looking underneath for the outdentation of any compartments. I got out the owner’s manual and discovered that the jack would be underneath the back bench behind the cab of the truck on the passenger’s side and, sure enough, I located it.
Feeling pretty proud of myself, I went to close the back of the truck, no small feat since the panel is kind of heavy and awkward. As I was lifting the drop-down door, the phone – land not cell – I had put in the pocket of my shirt fell out and slipped between the bed of the truck and the inside lip of the door and landed inside the spare tire, still hanging attached from the underbelly of the truck. And that is how the truck came to be ringing when the man from the parts department at New Holland called me back to discuss the bearing I needed to order to put in the haybine where the zerk goes so Jim can rake the hay or whatever it is haybines actually do.
And that is why I am not answering the phone today.
